The Pain of Loss
by Agent-G
Summary: This fic was inspired by the death of my grandmother and takes a look at how some characters in my AGU series deal with April's death.


**Disclaimer: I don't own X-Men Evolution or anything related to the show except my OCs

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**Author's Note: This takes place in my AGU series sometime during the Adjustments time-line.**

**I would also like it to be known that I dedicate this fic to the memory of my Grandmother Beulah Lassaline who died today on January 24, 2005 at 7:10 am. She was loved and will be missed.

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**THE PAIN OF LOSS**

It was the graveyard in Bayville during the final days of summer, the sun was out and the air was slightly hot and normally would have been a beautiful day. Normally a person would be enjoying this day but when you go to a graveyard a person doesn't care about the weather or have smiles on their faces. There on that day a young man with short dark hair in a black plain T-shirt carrying a few flowers walked down the nicely trimmed grass.

He walked along the rows of headstones and markers ignoring them all and seeing a few people making visits to other residents of this place of eternal rest. He came to a nice little roll of a hill where there was a marker there. There was an engraving of an angel on it with the words 'Here lies April, may she be at peace' was written on it.

His name was Vincent Freeman as he knelt down and placed a few of the flowers there on the grave. It hadn't been a month since her death and it still hurt like hell. He saw a few other flowers and candles there from the others at the Institute. She had been one of the few survivors of the hell he and eleven other children had gone through in the experiments and brutal treatment of Project Prodigy. She had been kept locked up and enslaved for her entire life and only after a few days of freedom was her life taken from her.

Vincent had tried to save her, he had all this so called powers at his command yet he had been powerless to save her, and she had died in his arms the horror of that moment forever engraved on his mind. His photographic memory was a curse to him at moments like that, seeing her bleeding face contorted in pain and she weep tears of blood and was so afraid to die. She had asked him to hold her close not wanting to die along and he held her. He felt the life drain from her body.

That day was one of the worse days of his life.

Everyone there had taken it hard, it was the first death many of them had known but Vince had taken it the hardest. He felt responsible for her; he didn't have the chance to get her and the others out when he escaped and not saving her a second time he beat himself up a lot of the time from that. He had been devastated rarely exiting his room for a few days. If it hadn't been for his friends, and Rogue for letting him go back home to talk with his only father figure the priest that raised him at the orphanage Father Michaels he might have handled it so well.

"I'm so sorry April…" He whispered out tears falling from his face. "I…I failed you…" He sat down staring at the cold stone that bore her name a name she asked for and he had picked for her. It was the name of his mother, another person in this life that was taken before their time. There were times he wanted to scream and shout and just rip everything to shreds at the unfairness of the world. Sometimes life seemed to be nothing but pain, suffering and misery.

It just wasn't fair!

He just sat there crying a little until he finally stopped. There were days he didn't know how much more he could take, how much more pain he could live with.

"Vince?" Came a familiar and welcomed southern voice. He turned slightly and was glad to see Rogue there. Now that she could touch she didn't have to wear bulky clothing all the time in the hot weather but still kept to her Gothic nature with a dark green T-shirt on. She also had a few flowers there having the same idea as he did. She walked over solemnly over to the grave and put them down gently and sat down next to him. "It wasn't fair…" She said to him and he only nodded his throat too tight to say anything.

Rogue had seen how happy the young girl had been for those first few days and how full of life she had been in those so few days of freedom. Then that terrible day happened and they were all changed, they all saw that one day they all would die. Even little Jamie the youngest had had his innocence of how life worked tested and changed on that day. You could see it in his eyes sometimes, his eyes used to be full on innocence and now some of that was gone.

It was a tragedy really…that entire day was one actually. He leaned against her shoulder and she leaned against her head against his. They just sat there staring at the cold stone for the longest time just sitting there and being there for each other in silent comfort.

"Ya want ta leave?" She asked him in nearly a whisper. He nodded his head and they both sore to their feet and walked out hand in hand.

Later that day Scott came to visit. He saw the fresh flowers and guessed a few of the others were already there. "Hey April," He said sadly, his eyes were full of pain yet even hidden behind those red glasses a stranger could see the pain in them. "I'm sorry…I…I'm supposed to be the leader here, Xavier chose me and I try my best to live up to what's expected of me. It's not easy and I have to give up things like just goofy off and having a lot more fun like the other but I have to set an example to the other."

He looked away from the grave for a bit feeling how empty he felt at the moment. He remembered seeing her lifeless form after prying it form Vincent's hold. Her eyes had been empty, those green eyes (as he was told the color of her eyes by Jean) that had been so full of light to suddenly be so empty and devoid of that spark of life. He was supposed to be the leader, he was responsible for the lives of the students…yet he failed and now one of them were dead.

Scott questioned himself for days wondering if there was something else he could have done, if he could have changed her fate, if he could have saved her. He wondered if he had been quicker or been more cautious would she have lived? He also questioned if he should still lead after this.

Jean had been there for him for days telling him that it wasn't his fault that he did his best. But that was the thing, he had done his best and still someone died. Jean also blamed herself for not seeing this coming. When they had taken her back with them she and Xavier scanned her mind for whatever was controlling her but they had missed something. Then some kind of hidden sleeper program started and well…that had resulted in her death.

He even considered just quitting the X-Men; he didn't want someone else to die on his watch or from his actions or in-actions. Then with the help of Jean and the others and especially Xavier Scott came to a decision. He looked down at the grave. "I promise you April…I won't let anyone else share your fate I swear as long as I lead the X-Men will do my best to keep them all safe. One death is one too many I may not be able to keep my word…but I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure that I do…I swear to you April…I won't let you have died in vain, I've learned from this and I don't want to see anyone else go through this."

He left his own flower there and left.

It was later that night that Kurt teleported to that same place. He was in his natural form since it helped him to blend in with the night. "Hello Kurt." And Kurt jumped at the voice. With his night vision he saw Rahne was there too.

"Vhat are you doing here?"

"Same as you." The young Scottish were-wolf said sadly. She held up a candle to him and he held up one of his own. Both young mutants were brought up as devoted to their religion, Kurt being Catholic and Rahne brought up Presbytarian and since they were both outed as mutants it was hard for them to find a church that would either welcome them in or they didn't want to cause any trouble with the Priest and the people that went there if he approved of either one of them.

So now they came here from time to time to light a candle for April's soul at her grave instead of a church. Kurt with his yellow eyes saw the sad look on the young girl's face in the dark and nodded his head. They both walked to the grave and each set their candle there and both of them carried a pack of matches. Kurt had his own for some candles he kept and Rahne had borrowed a pack from the kitchen.

They each lit their own candle at the grave. Rahne remembered the girl and how much fun she had with her and how she and Jubilee and April had shown her a few of their favorite films one night. A comedy and she had to admit that April had this laugh that you just loved to hear it was this peasant sound.

Kurt remembered how she had caught him once reading a passage from a bible he had from home and she had asked him about what he was reading. He explained things like God, a soul, heaven and hell to her. She had this wide-eyed look on her face when he talked about that. She had asked him if she had a soul and he remembered smiling and told her that all life had one and that God loved her and would look after her.

He just didn't think that he would be looking after her in the hereafter. Kurt was certain that she was at peace and in Heaven now. There was no doubt in his mind about that, but that didn't mean he didn't feel her loss. She like everyone there enriched each other's life and when one of them would leave like with Rahne and Jubilee had for a time, then they all were diminished from their absence. The only difference was that Rahne and Jubilee had returned and April wouldn't.

He mourned their loss at what could have been, at all the moments that would never be and never have, all the things never said or left unsaid. That was what Kurt mourned, the loss of her presence among them. He hoped and prayed that she was looking at them from up on high and would smile down on them from there.

He noticed that Rahne had been prying while he had been lost in thought, it wasn't in English and it sounded more like Latin or something but she fished up. "You vant a ride back?" Kurt offered.

"Nay, I just need tae go for a run, I'll be back before curfew though." She transformed into her wolf form and ran off into the night.

Kurt smiled a little and turned to the grave and said his own prayer for April's soul only in German. He prayed that she was at peace and was happy. After he had finished he teleported out of there leaving the candles to burn themselves out in the night.

The next day she had one more visitor and this was Xavier himself. He had only been were two times since the funeral but he felt the need to be here. He had taken this poor abused girl in and had given her a home. He had hoped to give her a happy and full life but that had been taken from her by Sinister. Xavier rarely hated someone and he hoped that anyone had a small part of good in them no matter what.

But Sinister had used that girl for years and had thrown her away like she meant nothing. He used and threw out a young girl like she was some pawn in his personal chess game that he played. He sighed looking at the grave. He was no stranger to death seeing his own mother slowly die in her bed and remembered how frail and weak she had been at the end.

Death was hardly ever easy to take for those who survived. He still felt the air of sadness from this event and he didn't blame them. This was one of the things he had feared the most, visiting the grave of one of his own. She had only been with them for a few days but that didn't matter, she was one of them, and always would be.

Xavier had no words to say, what could you say? He wished things had turned out differently she deserved a better life and a better death then that. But you can't change what has happened no matter what. He was afraid of how many more of his children he would bury in the future. He knew there were dangerous times were ahead for mutants and he had to wonder if this was the beginning of something horrible? Was this the start of his worse nightmare of losing all those he cared for?

He hoped it wasn't and he hung his head in sorrow. Even with the images he had of the future from his time with Apocalypse wasn't enough. He hadn't seen any of this and was worried about what more he didn't see happening. He remembered the image of Jean consumed by a fiery bird and he felt a cold knot in his stomach thinking of Jean one of his first and most promising students here.

It wasn't a pleasant thought and he hoped that the future wasn't fixed, he didn't want to go through this again. "You will never be forgotten April," He said silently to the cold stone with flowers and left over wax of burned down candles. It was true in a way, she had made an impression on them all and they would never forget her. "You will live on forever in our memories, in our stories and as long as we live so will you child." His eyes misted up at the words.

He knew that they would keep her alive in their minds and in their hearts for as long as they lived.

"Goodbye April…you were loved and you will never be forgotten by us, sleep well and be a peace."

**The End**


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